Category: Atheism

Power

When I was a kid, before I became an atheist, one of the elders around me told me that a particular verse from the Quran would protect me from dogs and other beings. I was terrified of dogs, so I started reciting that verse and over time it became second nature. I would find myself saying it subconsciously whenever I felt scared. Not just of dogs.

I feel many of us do not actually know what the purpose of our prayers is.

Recently, an Arab friend told me what this verse actually means, and I felt powerless.

It was as though a defence mechanism I had relied on all my life was suddenly stripped away. I still recite it out of habit, but the feeling is gone.

Looking back, the sense of security it gave me didn’t come from the verse itself but from the faith I had in the person who told me about it.

It reminds me of the story of ‘Viddi Kushmandam’ from the Aithihyamala.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to believe in it the way I once did. Powerless now.

Faith

When I was younger, I used to love sleeping next to my grandmother. She knew exactly two stories and would narrate them with a lot of passion. Over the years, the stories underwent subtle changes according to her creativity but the central themes remained unaltered. Although I loved listening to her stories, they put me right to sleep; no matter how interesting they were. On sleepless nights, she asked me to chant duas (prayers). I don’t know if it was because of God or the devil, but the prayers always worked.

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Now, years down the line, my childhood is a vivid yet distant memory. I seldom visit my grandmother. The memory of her stories have faded into an emptiness and more of my nights are endless. At times, when I lie awake staring at the stars, her old trick comes to my mind; like many things in life, it betrays me. I still cannot understand whose prank it is or if my lost faith is the culprit. In what did I lose trust? The stories or God? The devil, maybe.