Power

When I was a kid, before I became an atheist, one of the elders around me told me that a particular verse from the Quran would protect me from dogs and other beings. I was terrified of dogs, so I started reciting that verse and over time it became second nature. I would find myself saying it subconsciously whenever I felt scared. Not just of dogs.

I feel many of us do not actually know what the purpose of our prayers is.

Recently, an Arab friend told me what this verse actually means, and I felt powerless.

It was as though a defence mechanism I had relied on all my life was suddenly stripped away. I still recite it out of habit, but the feeling is gone.

Looking back, the sense of security it gave me didn’t come from the verse itself but from the faith I had in the person who told me about it.

It reminds me of the story of ‘Viddi Kushmandam’ from the Aithihyamala.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to believe in it the way I once did. Powerless now.

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You’re dreaming

I’m wandering

Chained to the floor

Under the scathing Moon

Counting the crimson beads

Trickling down my palm

Whispering to an old face

How far I would go

While holding onto my pillow

Sprinting like a maniac;

Searching for a reason

To stay and wait

While you lie asleep

In your quiet world

Of rainbows and curses;

hatred and warmth.

Your dreams have meaning;

Unlike my being.

Coffee

Many moons from now, while rocking my chair to the brazen chords of a hot summer shower, I would watch my fat kitten knock a coffee mug off the window sill. Unflinchingly, I will stare as my leftover coffee buries your unopened letters; my name calmly disappearing under the murky mess. A lot would have happened through the years; things that are meant to change. Laughter and failure. Life will erase the brief snatches of sorrow and pain and take us to a place where the past means so little. Till then I shall hold onto you like you shield me from death. Till then my memories will weigh more than the leftover coffee.